That Moment

I wish somehow I could be in a movie. The part in a movie when some random person picks you out of a crowd can tell your feeling sad and come up to you and ask what's wrong and TRUELY cares. There are moments when you need to talk to friends or family and there are times when you want to talk to someone new, a complete stranger. Someone who just wants to get to know you. Someone who really has a kind loving heart and wants to be beside you… not the person next to you, but beside you. Right now you have the feeling of how that will never happen, the feeling that no one will ever even glance your way, but someday, when the Lord knows your ready for it He will open the door for the right person. It may not be your fantasized movie moment, but it will be the perfect moment and when that moment comes… you will know it. But for now, talk to the Lord and ask for His strength to stay positive because the real reason you feel this way is because the devil is trying to beat you down and make you feel like you'r not worth anything, but the truth is, is that you are. Pray for His help to pull you through cause you are strong enough with Him you can do anything.

Vice

Vice... is a cruel and terrible thing. It makes you do things that you hate. But everyone already knows that. I feel as though I need to talk about it anyway, because it might get me away from it... or at least a step back from it. Vice... it gets in your head, and makes you do things that your soul is telling you is SO wrong, things that you know is hurting others, and God. I once heard this saying, "Once you are around something enough or hear it enough you begin to believe it and begin to live it." How true can this statement be? I mean come on... for example you KNOW that watching videos of immodesty and nudity are wrong, and yet, you find yourself doing it anyway. Say you watch a TV show that is full of this stuff, and you think "this is so wrong" but you keep watching it to see if it is going to get better, cause maybe it was just "one episode". But than you keep going and you start convincing yourself that "I am not doing it so it really isn't THAT bad." Well guess what, reality check, it's just as bad. It doesn't change the fact that you are still watching immodest things. Think about when a bad commercial comes on TV and you cover a child's eyes and say "don't watch that it's not good". Well tell me... what makes it good for your eyes and not the child's? You need to think like a child, for only then will you be able to be fully worthy of God. I can not tell you how many times this has happened to me. It eats me up inside, and YET... I continue anyway. I don't seek the help of the Lord and I don't try to change even though it is eating away at me. Why? You might ask yourself because of pride, because no matter what, I am too selfish and prideful to ask the Lord for his help. The only thing that will help you is the Lord. You need to dump the lazy thoughts and get you butt into gear. You have to start praying, asking Him for His help. Even ask our Blessed Mother, the Mother of God, for help. Something that has always helped me is whenever vice starts creeping in I SCREAM her name, because the devil hates the sound of Our Lady's name, for she is the one that gave birth the our Savor. Unfortunately I have started to give up this habit, and have started to fall into the same trap that the rest of the world has. The trap of vice, and convincing myself that it isn't "That bad". So know I ask the Lord for His help, although I am not worthy of it, I ask for His loving mercy to help me change my ways.

Waiting for that Someone

Right now it is 12:20AM. My eyes are burning from lack of sleep, and yet I keep thinking about all I have to do, and my worries, such as the idea that I will never find that one person/friend who will always be there for me. That one person who I can talk to, and they will listen, that one person who I can cry to and will hold me, that one person that I can have a never ending conversation with and time will have just have disappeared, that one person that when you talk to them they don't make you feel like this ginormous burden and nuisance. Unfortunately, I have yet to find this person, and the day is still yet to come when I find that somebody who likes me for me and doesn't trample over me for someone else. So for now I pray to the Lord to send this someone to me, for it must not be the right timing and He is waiting for a more perfect moment when I will need this someone even more. I ask Him for the strength to keep going, for without Him, I couldn't keep it together and would be in pieces.

Confused Emotions

     You know that moment when you have no idea what your emotions are?  You feel like crying, for no reason at all.  You have this lonely feeling so deep inside of you that it turns into a pain.  A feeling that you want someone to talk to and yet at the same time you feel as though it would do no go?  The feeling of stress, but not your typical kind of stress, a different kind, a kind that makes every emotion that a human can possible have become heightened and magnified, to the point that your sad, angry, confused, jealous, selfish, lonely, ect. and in the end you just want to be held, for no words can take these feelings away.  No words just someone to hold you tight and be there for you.  Someone to make you feel like you ARE important and that they won't let you fall.  Someone who can take the deep lonesome pain away, and won't judge you, or secretly think that you are just being dramatic.
     I know these are selfish thoughts and ways of thinking, and that we are only on this earth for a little while.  So now I turn to the Father and ask Him to be the one to help me through and to be the one to hold me tight  so I don't fall, the one that will take away the deep lonesome pain that is so deeply inside of me.  For although it is an earthly physical touch that I long for, I also know that deep down the only thing that will truly bring me comfort, not for a short time, like a physical touch will, but for long lasting, is the touch and hand of God.